Tuesday, January 3, 2012


This is the situation, I'm a straight female however, for a little over 3 years i have been curious about being with other women and i have always been into girl on girl porn and whenever i watch girl on girl porn i tend to get really excited if you know what i mean. in a way that i dont get when just watching a girl and a guy go at it. also i would have actual dreams of which i would be with a woman doing sexual things. also i like to watch a woman's ass when she walks but a lot of time i try not to do cuz i feel like other people notice im watching .

So anyway fast forward i meet this female who is about 7 years older than me from offline who is bisexual and married.
we quickly befriended each other. long story short she was my first girl on girl experience. i lied to her at first about being with women before, i had told her that i had been with at least 3 women before which wasn't true. Anyway this female ended up spending the night at my house and we slept in the same bed and i dont know what it was but something inside of me told me to take the plunge and to just touch her as my curiousity was like a pang in my side.
so anyway i took the initiative and started to touch her but then she flipped it on me and took control. i couldnt believe what i was getting into. That night i couldnt believe myself and i found myself at war with my soul. everything felt so good and my body felt like literally i could melt right there on that bed. but after all was said an done i felt huge guilt and dirtyness after doing what i did almost as if i was disgusted with myself. thinking to myself like how could i allow a another woman to do what she did and that god must really hate me now.
fast forward again we did it again on 5 other different occasions with each time being better than the last. 
i noticed after awhile i started to actually have feelings for her on a deeper level however i dared not to let her know that. i would feel butterflys and basically the same feelings i use to get with men are the same feelings i had for her which scared me but also had me confused.
now my things with men is that i havent been with a guy since 09 which is my daughter's father and yes i do get a lot of men trying to talk to me but i just dont be interested and what mainly turn me off from talking to any guys rights now is that usually that 9 times outta ten no matter how classy i carry myself they seem to have no respect and just only out to use u for sex and just the idea alone just makes me not even think about them like that i just focus on work and school.

back to the situation with this female , its like now ithat i've experienced being with her on those occasions it's like all the time i feel like my body crave a woman's touch like 24/7 its on my mind. and its like i seriously enjoy touching her squeezing her,tasting her. but now i think i am giving her the impression that i want to be more than friends with her ( which would be nice) and now i feel like she is trying to play me. like if u watch my video where im talking about liars im really talking about her in da video.

even when we outside i just feel like a dog in heat and be so ready to just hump her ass or whatever but because we outside i try to contain myself. she gave me my first multiple orgasm back to back i didnt even know what my body was going through when it first happened and NevER in my life have i ever experienced that with a man.

but the problem that i have is that ,i always feel like this and i still find myself trying to hang on to this female even though she likes to lie a lot but i try to hang on because of fear that i may not experience this ever again because nobody knows anything about this but me and her. it just right now at this time my mind is scared that i may be gay and its like i would prefer to have be intimate with a woman than a man anyday.
i never felt anything so passionate and sensual and being with her just feels like my body was being neglected until i met her. i dont know of any better way to explain it.
like what do i do and how do i accept these feelings that i have and how do i meet other females like me without making things look obvious to others?

if ur still there reading then i really do thank u for taking the time and energy to read my really long email

i really do appreciate it.

XOXO Honey Bii 

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