Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dear Honey Bii, Day 5


To Do List


1. Relax

2. Read

3. Set up a date

#1 Asking me to relax after Day 4's sucker punch revelation, is likened to requesting that I stop breathing. Read: virtually impossible. Day 4’s revelation is coming up against some serious resistance as I DON’T WANT TO HURT. Denial was comfortable. I’m not comfortable anymore. I feel agitated and disgusting. Agitated in my heart and disgusted with my delayed response to reality. So relax … umm I don’t exactly know what that means. My best relaxants are journaling, reading, and bathing. I took a bath, read the first chapter of my book “I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway” by Tracy McMillian, and wrote a few lines of really bad poetry.

#2 I’ve started reading my book which I guess has helped me to relax. Ms. McMillian laugh out loud writing style is just wonderful. In the first chapter she compares her father’s latest phone call from prison to an experience she has with a bi-polar ex-husband requesting a second chance. It was a captivating and soul stirring first chapter. This chapter has helps me to realize that my problems are relative to this particular time period in life and over time my issue will not appear as gargantuan in size.

#3 I’ll call my Blues Brotha to see if he’d be interested in the most spectacular evening of his life!

I appreciate your advice Honey Bii… keep it coming I feel myself getting bold, beautiful, and boned in the near future!!!

XOXO

Free_Flowers

Dear Honey B, Day 4



Dear Honey B, Day 4




To do List


1. Release J


I know you suggested that I be all zen, while I release J, but clearly that has not worked in the last few years so I’m going to try something different. I am going to publicly process my anger (the second stage of grief) and then work my way up to the final stage (i.e. acceptance-zen-release). Why grief, well because that is what I need to do. I lost J, not to death but death in my life and the life we had planned.When you publicly requested that I release him I was humiliated and enraged. I damn near threw my computer across the room after I read the first line and then cursed you (Honey B) for bringing it up in this forum. I mean this experiment is suppose to be fun. Why are you having me deal with this stuff… tear tear shaking shaking rolling tears. Gasp!!!! However, what is beautiful about your request is that I can't be in denial (first stage) anymore and I've moved forward to anger (second stage whop whop!)


I guess a little background is in order so here goes: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl date and enjoy magical experiences together. Boy supports girl. Girl supports boy. Two happy years pass. Then boy leaves girl without a single word.


Now that you know what happened lets move forward to an important truth.That is, I never really ever got mad at J for leaving. I mean sure I was disappointed and hurt. But never not once have I been angry with him. And because I never got angry I never disconnected from him or said NO! STOP! ENOUGH! Anger helps us all to say STOP this is enough. Anger unexpressed however always (yes always) leads to depression (i.e. anger turned inward on yourself). I hadn’t considered myself depressed because I wasn’t medicated but spiritually, mentally and physically I’m depressed*. I’ve depressed my faith, my action, and my body to the point that I’m not living free. So I’m going to follow your advice while I express out loud the second stage of grief so that I might lift myself out of this depressed state of being.


Onward with my anger…




Dear J,

FUCK YOU! I can’t fucking believe that you put me in this royally FUCK UP place. I fucking loath the day you entered my life with your smuge attitude and dorky demeanor. Sometimes I wish extreme amounts of hardship and heartache on your life but then I stop myself and remember that the pain of being you…. Waking up everyday and living you… looking in the mirror and seeing you… and walking around as you is pain enough because at the end of the day you ain’t shit. Yeah I said ain’t with my two-degree having ass. YOU AIN’T SHIT!!!!! One day you’ll amount to something but for right now YOU AIN’T SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being the BIG PIECE OF SHIT that you are, my judgment must have been severely clouded the day I let you into my life. Because… you are weak, self-righteous, and full of shit! Plus, you can’t protect me, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!! And just because your son’s mother is a fucking SOCIOPATH doesn’t take you off the hook for the fact that you didn’t protect me! Oh, leaving me was suppose to be your way to protect me… please cry me a FUCKING river weaksauce! Grab that BItCH by her throat and choke her till she understands that messing with other peoples lives is not okay! Better yet get your shit together well enough so you can eradicate her from your life. But no that would be to fucking easy huh?

Nope you chose instead to FUCKING DISAPPEAR, YOU FUCK FACE! What kind of cowardly-lion-Wizard-of-Oz-alternate-universe did I get myself trapped into with you? I HATE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL FOR THIS! This one conscious action. Your Wesley Snipes-Sanaa Lathan disappearing act is the FUCKING reason why I can’t seem to let your wretched as go. Because it boggles my fucking mind that you could know my deepest, darkest, private everything… and demonstrate it in a single act of I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck-about Free_Flowers’s fears, hopes, or dreams. FUCK YOU…You mutherfucker you. I FUCKING HATE YOUR ASS WITH A FIERCE KIND OF PASSION.

Because of you I don’t, won’t, can’t trust others. Because of you I run around signing myself up for experiments and shit just to get my fucking hope back! Because of you I let that BITCH (REINE) come in and squat right smack in the middle of my life. Because of you I’ve become a MUTHA-FUCKING FOOL!

I don’t need this shit in my life.

It’s over asshole… its so over we need a new word for this shit…how about FUCK YOU!!

Truly,



Anger Free_Flowers



Oh yeah… and I hope she cheats on you with a basketball playa *marsha ambriosu and gives you gonorrhea so you burn from the inside out for a least 10 days! Asshole!



*Please note I did not say clinically depressed because this condition is very serious and requires immediate medical attention.

Dear Honey B, Day 3

Dear Honey B, Day 3

1. Read my book
2. Call a friend
3. Remind myself of my goals
4. Skip to the Mailbox
5. Meditate or journal before bed

#1 Amazon has not delivered my book so this one is coming soon.

#2 I called a friend (Jen). It was spectacular!!! When I got to her apartment (my future digs), Superman (Josh) was there and he was painting her walls. I know it sound like I’m insinuating something but I’m not, Superman was painting Jen’s walls a turquoise color and I was captivated by the ease of it all. So, for an hour and a half I marveled at Superman go up and down, up and down until the entire room was painted a beautiful shade of turquoise. After that, we all got out the house and went to an amazing BBQ restaurant (Lillie’s) on Wolcott & North Avenue. We ate, we laughed, and we drank! It was so much fun!!!!

#3. Reflecting on my goals for the Honey B Experiment I feel confident in my decision to set them and reach them over the next 10 days. At first I thought it would be impossible to achieve what I wanted but, so far in following Honey B’s advice I’ve realized these goals have always been within reach. I just got lazy about my life. I started waiting for things to happen instead of getting and making things happen in my life. Four days in to our experiment and I am in awe at how little things have transformed my life. For example making my bed every morning not only starts my day off right but it gives me comfort and security at night. When I leave my house in the morning it’s tidy and when I come home and climb into the bed (naked) at night; my pillows are fluffy, my sheets are crisp and my comforter is rapturous. Every night I get to start over again. New day… new opportunity. Beautiful... just beautiful.

#4 Okay so the mailbox thing is growing on me since I’m skipping and all *smile. Funny thing is my Pastor said in a recent sermon that we should stop accepting things in the mail that don’t belong to us. He literally said “hit that piece of mail with a return to sender label and be done with it”. I release my old fear of my mailbox because now I can and will hit that piece of mail with a return to sender label and be done with it. Thanks Pastor Martin, Thanks B.

#5 I journal pretty much every night so tonight I will meditate on how I am going to accomplish the tasks outlined in day 4.

Stay tuned…

XOXO
Free Flowers

Day 5 With Free Flowers

Today is the fifth day of the experiment. Again here are the daily things that I want Free Flowers to do.



  • Wake up naked. She was instructed to sleep in the nude. The purpose is to feel free. I love sleeping in the nude.
  • Make up your BED. It is probably the simplest thing that you can do productively start your day.
  • PUT ON CLOTHES. Not just any old outfit. An outfit that you would wear if you knew that you were meeting someone important. The purpose of putting on clothes is to feel great.
  • Look up a quote from Maya Angelou. Recite it.
  • Be productive. Plan each day. Routine equals stability.
Here is what I want to be accomplished for day 5



  • Make sure that you take some time for relaxation. I want your mind to be at ease. Whatever you do as a stress reliever do that. 

  • Read (I know that I don't have to tell you that since I know that you love reading already).

  • The main thing that I want you to do is get ready for FRIDAY!!!!!!!! Friday set up a date. Not just any old date. Set up a date when you are treated just exactly how you want. No lowering your expectations. Go to the restaurant that you have always wanted to go to. Have your door opened. Flirt over a glass of wine. DO THE DANG THANG!!!!!

Dear Honey B, Day 1.5


video



XOXO Free Flowers


P.S. Best Advice ever!!!! Thanks Honey B

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Shooting Range

Today I went to the gun range for the first time. I have to admit that I was a little intimidated. I went with a trained professional so when it came time to actually use the gun I was properly informed of how to use it with safety. When it first went off I got a huge adrenaline rush. OMG I had to literally take a break. I could actually see the small amount of fire that came from the gun. I was so proud of myself. I can see how this can be therapeutic to some people. I didn't really warm up until the second magazine that I shot off. After I was done, I am still not 100% sure that I want a gun in my house. As a woman I can see the security that it does bring however.

Here is a clip on the 4 Cardinal Rules when using a gun. (Don't mind the rotation. It's the information that counts lol)

Here are a few photos



Day 4 With Free Flowers

Today is the fourth day of the experiment. Again here are the daily things that I want Free Flowers to do.


  • Wake up naked. She was instructed to sleep in the nude. The purpose is to feel free. I love sleeping in the nude.
  • Make up your BED. It is probably the simplest thing that you can do productively start your day.
  • PUT ON CLOTHES. Not just any old outfit. An outfit that you would wear if you knew that you were meeting someone important. The purpose of putting on clothes is to feel great.
  • Look up a quote from Maya Angelou. Recite it.
  • Be productive. Plan each day. Routine equals stability.
Here is what I want to be accomplished for day 4

  • Today is a day of cleansing again. I want you to release J. Yes. I know that this will probably be the hardest thing to do. Release yourself and him. You are still attached emotionally. I really believe that when you put thoughts in the universe then the other person feels it. I want you to start with saying the thoughts about him at this current time out loud. Tell him how you met. Tell him how you loved. Tell him how he impacted your life. Now tell him how you love him enough to release him from the thoughts that you think of him often in the universe. Now BREATHE. It's gonna be ok. This is a time when you are going to move on. To 100% be the woman that you are supposed to be. 

  • Do something nice for yourself. Some ideas are taking a bath, buying your favorite dish, or buying some pretty shoes. You deserve it. 
XOXO Honey Bii

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Brother Is Exiting The Air Force


This is a blog about my brother being nervous about exiting the military.


XOXO Honey Bii

Dear Honey B, Day 2

Dear Honey B, Day 2

To Do List

1. Sleep naked

2. Make bed

3. Pick out a Great Book

#3. Excuse me Honey B, but I don’t think you understand how much I love reading. As I reflect on the kinds of books I read*, I realize I’m a non-fiction girl. I’ll read the occasionally life-altering-mind-blogging fiction such as Ishmael and The Story of B by Daniel Quinn or The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Sometimes I’ll even enjoy a little fantasy likeTwilight Saga by Stephaine Meyer. But I always find the most pleasure and delight with non-fiction. My favorite non-fiction books are: The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin, Seth Speaks by Jane Roberts, You Can Heal Your Life by Lousie L. Hay, The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama and Excuses Begone by Dr. Wayne Dyer these books give me life. My guilty pleasures are non-fiction relationship how-to guides (Keeping the Love you Find by Dr. Harville Hendrix) or memoirs (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert). I also really enjoy spiritual text like A Conversation with God by Neale Donald Walsh and A Course in Miracles.


Book selections on my SPRING reading list include: The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz (Self-Help/Spiritual), Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm at Night by Damon Young and Panama Jackson (A relationship/dating/how to guide), I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillian (A Memoir about relationships), Our Kinds of People by Lawrence Otis Graham (A portrait of the black elite), and Tiger Mom by Amy Chua (A memoir about parenting). Each book will be read before the end of spring but which do I choose today?


Drum roll please … I am going to go with … I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillian. The whys will be answered later but for right now read into the title as much as you want because it just might make my reasons pretty obvious *smile.



XOXO

Free Flowers



*I read about 1-3 books a month just for fun!

Are you your child's friend?

My best friend stated, "She barely likes being an adult!" With that being said, "Are you your child's friend"? Here is a couple of links that I want you to watch before my video response.

                                                  


                                              

                                                


Black Lesbian Couple Ejected from Maryland Restaurant; Stages Protest

Living Out Loud with Darian: Black Lesbian Couple Ejected from Maryland Restaurant; Stages Protest

Day 3 With Free Flowers

Of course we are continuing the routine:

  • Wake up naked. She was instructed to sleep in the nude. The purpose is to feel free. I love sleeping in the nude.
  • Make up your BED. It is probably the simplest thing that you can do productively start your day.
  • PUT ON CLOTHES. Not just any old outfit. An outfit that you would wear if you knew that you were meeting someone important. The purpose of putting on clothes is to feel great.
  • Look up a quote from Maya Angelou. Recite it.
  • Be productive. Plan each day. Routine equals stability.

Today here are the list of things that I want you to do:

  • Make sure that you begin to read the book that you chose. I want you to try and read for at least 30 minutes. Try and make sure that in that 30 minutes that you get a real feel of the book and at least be able to identify the main character. 

  • Call a friend. Positive human interaction is so important. Just call and say hi and I love you if you can't think of anything to say.

  • Take time to remind yourself of the goals that you want to reach from doing this experiment.

  • Skip, yes skip to check your mail again. 

  • Before you go to bed meditate or journal for 10 minutes. This should be a time to really reflect on the day. 
XOXO Honey Bii

Monday, March 28, 2011

Dear Honey B Day 1

To do List
1. Wake up Naked
2. Make my bed up
3. PUT ON CLOTHS
4. Mani and pedi
5. Research a Maya Angelou quote and read it out loud
6. Skip to the mailbox and check it
7. Release negative energy (write and recite my five current burdens then rip them up and throw them away)
8. Watch the Master Class – and write a reflection

#1 This task was fairly easy as I sleep naked 98% of the time

# 2 Ummm so I hate making up my bed. Does this make me lazy? Whatever it feels good to make my bed up. I live in a studio so my tidy bed makes my whole space feel clean.

#3 Much more challenging at my current weight. See recently I lost like 17 lbs (apparently stress has an inverse relationship with my body weight). So PUT ON CLOTHS was quite the challenge. I decided on a few key pieces which always seem to brighten my day. Gold leaf necklace (I love leaves if I could be any other of God’s creations I’d be a tree with beautiful leaves), a dress because they make me feel purdy, denim jacket because I’m a causal girl at heart, and black ridding boots you know too jazz it up a bit. Sunday Funday ensemble! I would be happy to meet my girlfriends, my Blues Brotha* or my kid in this outfit. Either way I’d be ready for fun fun fun

#4 Done!

#5 And Still I Rise: classic and pertinent to the internal turmoil which seems to be rising in my back and forth. See how I did that *smile (I cried when I recited this in the afternoon)

#6 I skipped to the mailbox in my clickity clack boots and felt all of 13 years old again. Nothing was in my mailbox … Cheers! NO BILLS

#7 Release negative energy… seriously, SERIOUSLY. Okay I’m calm now, if only it were this easy but obviously its not. So I wrote down my five burdens then I cried over them for about 20 minutes. I truly cried … I didn’t realize how much I was bothered by burden #1 and #4 until I wrote them down. I tried to rip the pages but my hands were too weak, so I waited for a bit then rip rip rip. I tossed them in the trash and threw the trash and the trash can in the dumpster! Then I skipped back to my mailbox and guess what was in it… NO BILLS

#8 OMGoodness Master Class, I missed this one but it been DVR’d and I will watch the program tomorrow.

So far so good Honey B. I help you, help me, be me. Day 1 done.

*Blues Brotha an important guy I’m doing things with who I’ll likely refer to with certain regularity as we’ve boned!

Education 101: Sex Toys Part 2

Education 101: Sex Toys Part 1


Day 2 With Free Flowers

I am waiting on the follow-up to Free Flowers day 1 of the Honey B Experiment. Here are a list of things that I want her to start each and everyday off with.

  • Wake up naked. She was instructed to sleep in the nude. The purpose was to feel free. I love sleeping in the nude.
  • Make up your BED. It is probably the simplest thing that you can do productively start your day. 
  • PUT ON CLOTHES. Not just any old outfit. An outfit that you would wear if you were meeting someone important. The purpose of putting on clothes is to feel great.
  • Look up a quote from Maya Angelou. Recite it.
  • Be productive. Plan each day. Routine equals stability.

On day 2


  •  I want the focus to be picking out a great book. Reading is too important. Please take the time out in your life to stimulate yourself with a good book. Since this is so important this will be the only task for today. 

XOXO Honey B

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Renata and I after Master Class


XOXO Honey Bii

I made it on OWN~








Day 1 With Free Flowers

Here is the deal. I didn't want this to be an overwhelming experience so for the first day I decided to take it slow. Today will be a day of forming a routine. Here are the details..


  • Wake up naked. She was instructed to sleep in the nude. The purpose was to feel free. I love sleeping in the nude.
  • Make up your BED. It is probably the simplest thing that you can do productively start your day. 
  • PUT ON CLOTHES. Not just any old outfit. An outfit that you would wear if you knew that you were meeting someone important. The purpose of putting on clothes is to feel great.
  • Make sure that your hands and feet are manicured. 
  • Look up a quote from Maya Angelou. Recite it. 
  • Skip, yes I said skip to your mailbox. This woman hates to check her mail. After skip back on home and check every piece of mail. DO IT!
  • Write down the 5 biggest burdens that you have. After say each one out loud. In the process of saying each one out loud..RIP them up one by one. This is to let go any negative energy. We don't need it. 
  • Be productive. Plan each day. Routine equals stability.
  • THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: Watch Oprah's Master Class tonight. This episode is actually featuring her. Pick one thing that stood out and journal about it

I look forward to hearing from you each following morning. Don't forget to SMILE SMILE SMILE.

XOXO

Friday, March 25, 2011

Dear Honey B

Dear Honey B,

I am losing my perspective and fast approaching ghastly L words in my short 26 years… I’m lonely, lost, and a little unhappy.

Lonely in my relationships platonic and romantic. Lost in my vision, as I can’t seem to bring my dreams to reality. And a little unhappy because well those first two things are really important to me and I’m sucking at them right now!

But at last, you have agreed to guide me for the next 10 Days in the ways of the sweet sweet Honey B. What I hope for, more then anything is to gain perspective. A world can change with a change in perspective. Today, I agree to help you, help me, get back to me, being free.

Free to live out loud

Free to live in love

Free to exist and B… Me

Specifically, I want my boldness, my hope, and my freedom restored. I want the promise of bliss to manifest daily in my changed world. I believe in the power of positive thinking and a changed mind. Your advice is raw and your spirit is courageous. My mind is open and my heart is willing so let the journey begin.

Honey B followers get excited about the upcoming adventures and misadventures of the “Honey B Experiment”

XOXO

Free Flowers

P.S. “It’s Friday and I ain’t got ish to do”. What would Honey B do?!?!? Oh I know, Bone!

To be continued…

This just in!!!!

Breaking news!!!!

So my bff aka the genius Free Flowers will be doing an experiment. A 10 day no holds bar Honey B experiment. In these 10 days she is going to trust me to guide her. WOW. It's gonna be a transformation!!!!!

Details to come soon.

The Power Of The P Series: Nykeya

The Obvious Choice

It's all in the eyes. I am the type of girl that your girl will cheat on you with. I am the obvious choice. Just a tad bit rough around the edges, sexy, and still quite feminine. I am the ultimate secret crush. I am the one that catches your eye, but yet you are unsure of the mysteriousness behind me. I am charming.

I am the girl who is your girls best friend. Not only I am funny, but you want to hang out with me. You want to program my number in your phone. You want to add me to facebook and twitter. You want to take a picture of me so that you can save it and I pop up when you call.

I am the girl who your man/girl asks if you have a crush on. You do. I can see the way that you watch me. It's all in the eyes. I am the girl when we are in the club, there isn't a big deal that we dance with each other. It is 2011 right? I am the one who your girl tries to "drunk kiss". Alcohol is the truth serum.

I am the one who your girl finally succumbs to the whole idea of a threesome. It will never work. She is not doing this to satisfy your needs. I am the girl who you become uncomfortable with. I am the girl who you stop liking, but I have never crossed you. No worries.

Be careful what you wish for. Truth be told. I don't want your girl.

I am the type of woman that needs a woman that is comfortable in her own skin. I don't want sly glances from across the room. I don't want small talk in the bathroom. I don't need anymore "going out" friends. I definitely don't need anyone who is exploiting my lifestyle to scratch the itch that has been nagging them.

I am a confident, sophisticated, out of the closet type woman. So, in the future I will let her look. Maybe I will even entertain her advances. Her secret is safe with me.

Positive Thinking

There is so much power in positive thinking. I think that it is highly underrated. When you train your mind, body, and soul to see the glass half full you get through life a little easier.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Threesomes

How can you you effectively introduce another person in your bedroom? Is it possible... A lot of people play around with this idea. Whether it is just talk or used as an aide to spice up your bedroom. Anyway that it goes it is playing with fire.

I can personally name a couple of people who have been effected by this topic. I won't name any names though. In both of the situations both couples were happy. I think that is one of the reasons that they were so comfortable bringing up the topic. In essence, they decided to bring another person who they "trusted" in their bedroom. The act was fun. Even a little afterwards. The trouble begins in one situation when the person was too involved. Catch my drift? We will call this scenario 1.

Scenario 1: So if you are in the middle of the act and you find that your partner is moving a little to good, working those hips too well, and moaning the same way that they moan for you...do you get jealous? This is exactly what happened. The jealous person couldn't take it. The bigger question that I have is to MEN. Why would you introduce another woman into your bedroom.More like a statement. A woman know and can feel exactly what another woman wants. The huge shocker was when his wife ate the mistress out. All hell broke loose. The wife was only doing what she thought that her husband wanted. It is the ultimate fantasy that turns wrong. Needless to say, her curiosity was captured. Once an eater...always an eater.

Scenario 2: This one is a juicy one also. So, two women who have been in a fully committed relationship decide to bring in one of the girls ex girlfriends. The act again was fun. So fun that they invited her back for more. This went on for quite some time. I think you can guess the outcome if you think hard enough... Yes, the ex girlfriend stole the new girlfriend. They actually started sleeping with each other behind the other girls back. All too common in the lesbian community.

Back to the original question. How can you you effectively introduce another person in your bedroom? I think that it can be done. Don't get me wrong. I think that there has to be complete open communication from jump. There shouldn't be any question unanswered or asked. I also think that before you perform the act clear lines should be drawn on what both partners are comfortable with.

What are your thoughts?

Rainbows Rule The World

Did you know that the "gays" rule the world? You know the Lesbo's and the Queen's (snaps fingers)? I state this because of many reasons. I shall limit them to the top 10. Kinda like David Letterman.

1. You instantly have a best friend. Women can comb each other's hair and men can play X Box together.

2. You save money on contraception.

3. You have a higher disposable income.

4. You can focus on investing in things such as a home and luxury cars instead of children (if you choose).

5. You can watch Glee without guilty pleasure.

6. You understand that Oprah and Gayle are just best friends.

7.  The fashion world would not exist.

8. All the dad's that wish that they had and son/ all the mom's who wish they had a daughter can now be at ease.

9. Girl on girl pillow fights are every friday.

AND THE TOP REASON THAT GAYS RULE THE WORLD---------------->

10. All of the legendary love songs where/are wrote by the "gays". This includes Luther Vandross as the former pact leader. His title is now a toss up between Chrisette Michele and Neyo.


Long, Medium, Short, and NO HAIR: Don't care!

BALD   o_0

That is who I am. It is a part of me to say the least. I have always known that when a woman decides to cut their hair it is an outward statement. My motive through the years has always been that. To get attention.
I can recall the first time that I cut my hair short. I felt like “a big girl”. My mother was the typical black American mom. You are your hair! I was never allowed to wear drastic hair do’s or extensions. Most of the time it was a pony tail. Just one. Wait… In kindergarten I wore a French braid to the back every day. To jazz it up every once in a while I was allowed to throw in a bang here and there. For the most part I was average. So, back to when I first cut my hair it was an experience to say the least. I can recall feeling free. That is the emotion that I get every time that I cut it. In description, it was the typical short in the front, tight curls, and tapered off back. I rocked it.

The young girl:

Fast forward to college. I had my dibble and dabble with the growing out process. For the most part I would grow it out, go through the ugly stage, and then cut it again. When I arrived to college I decided that I wanted to grow my hair out. I wore it in braids and what not to achieve this process. This is what all black girls do. It worked. I managed to grow my hair past the shoulder length without damaging it.

College Braids:


College Hair cut of course after I broke up with my boyfriend:

I was known for the most part throughout college as having short hair. Short hair is such a hassle to keep up with. Making sure that it is in place is such a drag. I rocked it though. People always told me that I had the head for it. Whatever that means. I think that it means my head is small, round, and proportional to my body. I hope. With short hair you have to make sure that you keep it relaxed, curled, and the kitchen is always on point. Now the KITCHEN is the hardest. Relaxers every two weeks on the kitchen and the edges is a must, otherwise you look a mess. No one wants to walk around with the short do and the side and kitchen is untamed.

I wore braids when I was confused:

For the most part when you are trying to grow your hair out we all go through the “in between stage”. This is also known as the ugly stage. This is when your hair isn’t short enough to be technically considered short, but it is for sure not long enough to wear it flat ironed. I think that ever girl dreads this state.

My Fro:

After I decided that I wanted locs, I went to the barber shop and chopped it all off. It was such a relief. I was so excited for my new journey. The year was 2006. I had just graduated from college and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I was mostly having fun, but the pressures of adulthood stalked me. It was time for a major change. Hence, the cutting of the hair. I can say that wearing the fro had its challenges. Shortly after I was hired by State Farm. Going into the corporate world was something that I was very unfamiliar with. It was quite a bit scary. I didn’t know how people were going to take me.

My Locs:


I was in love with these locs. For many years I wanted locs. When I saw pictures of Lauryn Hill and India Arie I saw myself. I wasn’t confident enough when I was a teenager. Now was the time. I had just graduated from college. Everyone feels a boost of confidence once they earn a degree right? When I wore my locs I made sure that everyone called them “locs”. I corrected many people who referred to them as dreads. I did this because I never “dreaded” my hair. The synonym of dread is to hate or despise. I simply stated that I wore my hair in locs. No more explanation necessary. Either you understood it or you did not. Then one day I was tired of them. It was that simple. I wanted something different.


The Mohawk:

The Mohawk is sooooo much fun. I loved it. It made me stand out. I felt like a rock star. I even wanted to learn to play the guitar. This style definitely fit my personality. When I went out on the town people adored the boldness of it all. The Mohawk came about because I was sick of the locs. Like all women who cut their hair, once again I was going through a change. This was a big change. I was coming more into my sexuality and I wanted something different. I once again went to the barber shop and had my locs cut off. I can say that this was a very special moment for me. It was done from the last guy that I dated. He absolutely dreaded the thought of me cutting my hair. He thought I would be obvious lesbian. Which I am. Which he couldn’t comprehend. So, he closed down the shop for me. It was about 9 o’clock at night. He cut each loc one by one with the scissors. After I had a tiny fro from the hair that wasn’t loc’ed yet. I just looked in the mirror in astonishment. At first I couldn’t believe I cut my beautiful locs. Then I was free!

This is the current look that I rock: NO HAIR

Now do not misunderstand this hair cut. This isn’t some style that I am wearing the scream, “Look at me!!!” It is more of a self assuring look. I would like to note in the words of Lil Wayne, “Confidence is a stain that can’t be wiped off”. That is exactly how I feel with this look. I feel like I am on top of the world. Not only do I feel confident, I also feel BEAUTIFUL. I for the first time have no choice but to love my face. It is an amazing feeling to walk out the door and know that the attention is drawn directly to my face. Remarkable.  Now, I am not sure how long this style will last. I do know that for sure…the CONFIDENCE is here forever!

Have you ever been cheated on?

Here is a journal post from the last relationship that I had before I met my soul mate. I just so happened to be with a man. I can say now looking back... I set myself up for this one. After it happened I felt like a burden had been released from my chest. I never looked back. It was my way out. People, pay attention to yourself. If you know that you don't want to be with someone then RELEASE them. Otherwise they will find whatever they are lacking somewhere else. I apologized to him later that I in someway pushed him into the arms of another woman.


7-14-2009


So it is now 3:00am on the dot. I just caught L cheating. He said that he was going out with his cousin and hadn't returned home yet. It was 1:53am when I called him. Something inside of me told me to call him. At first I didn't want to cramp his style, but my fingers guided me to dial his number. It was meant to be. Ms. Tracy told me today that there isn't a such thing as luck, God is the one who blesses us. If my fingers had of not dialed each and every one of those numbers then I don't know where I would be right now. He made a mistake. Instead of end, he pushed the talk button. I heard it all. My hands clutched my mouth as I gasped for air. The moans where discreet at first. Then I heard him say the same things to her that was supposed to be special to me. I loved. Now, I lost. He cheated. It was excruciating to hear them. The call lasted 23 min and 17 secs. Must have been when they were over. I slid out of the apartment and of course did what any girl would have, I slashed and scratched. He must have realized that the phone was on. He hung up. He showed up. Just as my fingers guided me to call his phone, those same hands slapped his face. Multiple times. I haven't cried. I don't know if there is a reason to.  

My 1st Blog

Hi. My name is Honey B and I am an addict. JUST kidding. But, what do you really say in your first blog. It's kinda weird. Most people would start off with why they intend to blog, what most of the topics will be about, and so on. All that I can say is that get ready for a roller coaster ride. I am BLUNT. Almost to a fault. I want this to be a "daily article" type read. Feel free to input ideas and and ask for advice. I know that I don't know everything, but I do know somethings. Soooooooooo, basically LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!