Wednesday, February 27, 2013


Hi, Honey Bii!

I'm not sure how yours or Renata's transition was in post-coming out phase and maybe/not you can relate.  I'm confused because I've been attracted to femmes and studs. I had been a tomboy growing up, but during my college years when I moved close to religious high-rolling pentecostal fam, I was more or less guilt tripped into becoming and dressing "ladylike" I did what I was told b/c I want to be a good Christian woman.  Half way in college, I said screw it and left the scene as I was becoming depressed and felt condemned.  I don't really identify as femme but i also lack the "stud presence"/personality.  Anyhow, I met one particular stud (who is now a Trans man) in my college that totally turned my head &  feelings upside down. I deeply admired the masculinity he expressed, and I craved to express my own female masculinity just as  good.  And it was almost like love at first sight, although I quickly deducted that the person was emotionally insecure with codependent tendencies that prompted everyone around him (even to this day) to constantly affirm their affection and admiration for him and everything he does. That part was a huge turn off because I love strong personalities, people who are confident and able to formulate their own thoughts and convictions. I saw none of that in him; in fact, he was more interested in himself and the amount of attention he gets than to be interested in important issues like politics, etc. Fast forward to now: I've graduated few years back and trying to figure out my lgbt identity.  A common friend on fB posted a picture of the two of them and the moment I saw his face, the butterflies came back. I know that being together isn't an option, and even if it were, I can't handle his lack of dept and I could never see myself with him. Knowing this, I don't understand how and what I feel for the person. Funny thing, he gives me a flashback of the Jocks from high school, the perpetual immature ppl who live in a bubble of perceived popularity and nothing more. I couldn't stand those kids back then or now. So, I'm thinking that in my post-coming out phase, I immediately went back to that space that harbors undefined emotions for him, forcing me to ask more questions about my own identity and the kind of person I want to be with. I'm confused... what is it that I'm missing here? Sorry for the long winded questions. Where do I go from here in terms of self definition and what's these things I feel about this person?


Wow! You have a story to tell. Thank you for taking the time to share. 

This is what I know for sure... We are the only creatures on Earth who do not follow their instincts. For example, all animals in nature RUN away from danger yet humans WELCOME it. If you know that you cannot fully accept this person, then why torment yourself? It seems like an infatuation. You can name many things that turn you off. Keep this in mind, all of the things that you dislike about her makes her comfortable and she should be able to express herself however she wants. Your judgement/ instincts should be listened to. 

I think that you need to work on yourself before you can be with anyone fully. There is no greater love that you can get anywhere else. Don't be so caught up on labels and definitions on what you should be. You can only do yourself unjust if you continue to do so. It is totally normal to be attracted to "femmes" and "studs". At the end of the day we are all women. 

I hope that this helps some. 
XOXO Honey Bii

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Urgent! I'm So Confused, Help Me!

Hi Honey Bii!

It started out in middle school (Im a junior in highschool now), and I liked this girl named Kilah, we "dated" in 7th grade and it was lowkey, some people knew about it but I was always ashamed for it! Then I thought well hmm, I heard everyone goes through that kind of phase where they just want to experiment, so I ignored that emotion towards girls for a awhile. Well, my freshman year in highschool, I met a girl named Nakayla, and we got super close, I thought she was very pretty when I first saw her as well. Well, I still didn't know how to feel! I still had these emotions but something inside me was still telling me it's going to go away soon, just ignore it! So I ignored it, and then we kissed before I left that school and changed schools, and it was emotional, and different.. I loved it. And then I switched schools, and this school is not the same like my last one. The last school I Went to, was very open, and had different kinds of people, it didn't matter what you looked like or if you were gay, nobody cared.
But this school, was different, if you weren't rich, or pretty, you were not going to get anywhere. Gays, have it hard at this school. Now, my sophomore year, I became bestfriends with this girl, Carly, she's a lesbian as well, and we are still to this day bestfriends. And she always told me she liked me, but for some reason I didn't feel the same way about her. Well, I thought the feeling had gone away you know? Because I was telling myself it would.. and I thought it did, until now. I'm a junior, in a relationship with my boyfriend for 15 months now. I just became really good friends with a girl named Brooke. We hit it off pretty well, and by that I mean we got along from the start super well! it's crazy, how much we have in common. And she is a lesbian too. But guess what? The feelings came back, and I'm getting major feelings for her, and I have NO IDEA what to do.. I'm confused emotionaly and physically. What do I do? Is it normal to be confused like this? Because I have no clue... I really think I like this girl. If I've had this feeling since middle school.. I don't think I should ignore it any more.
Feel free to share my story if you think others would be able to relate to this situation!
And PLEASE get back to me, I'm so lost. and I need help.
With love

I apologize for the delay. Thank you so much for taking the time to write.

I know this for sure, you have a lot of time to figure out your sexuality. Don't be in a rush to figure things out. Your youth is on your side. It is totally normal to feel confused and frustrated. I know this for sure also, you DO NOT... I repeat DO NOT have to sleep with people to figure out your sexuality. 

Take your time to evaluate who you are. Just because you are attracted to this girl, that does not make you a Lesbian. To me, sexuality is fluid and labels are not necessary. It is totally normal to be attracted to a person and not their gender. Maybe you can try talking to someone that you know and trust about the situation. 

I hope that this helps some.
XOXO Honey Bii

Wednesday, February 6, 2013