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I LOVE SO HARD

Light Vs Dark

I am a proud African American women however I am what we in the African American community would call light skinned. I do not feel I am all that light though I refer to myself as more caramel than light but this has been an issue for me my whole life but only when it comes to dealing with women in my community. During grade school I would constantly be picked on for not being dark enough to be all black that I must be mixed with either white and/or Spanish, I always had to and still to this day try to prove to people that I am not mixed and 100% black and proud. I would go to great lengths to not "look" mixed my hair happens to be very curly naturally and long so I would relax my hair to make it look more along their norms of how a black girls hair should look I would NEVER wear out out our in its natural state since that seemed to be the biggest thing people would point out as to why I must have been mixed  and not possibly all black. I always felt every uncomfortable around black girls at that time because they did not accept me all because of the way I looked however being young I could not understand why and the history behind it all. Fast forward I am now I 31 year old women and have been natural for over 10 years but I still encounter the same issues with women who are susposed to be my sisters, when I walk into a room with all black women I get look as if they are wondering what I am and they are very stand offish at first until someone ask me "what are you mixed with?" And when I say I"m not most of the time they don't believe me but it does open up a line of communication.  So I guess my question is why as black women we can not seem to just except each other for who we are why is there is issue with the color of our skin ? No matter the shade black is black lighter doesn't mean your better and darker doesn't mean you are any more black then the next sister, sometimes I feel like we are our own worst enemy, how can we expect others to accept us for who we are and what we bring to the table and not for our outside appearances if we don't do it for ourselves ? I know the long time issue has been the plight of our dark-skinned sisters issues but we as lighter - skinned sisters don't have it any better in most situations when out comes to dealing with our own people also so I just wanted to pick your brain so to speak, and get your thoughts on this issue, have you heard of this before, how do you think it compares if at all to the issue of our darker skinned sisters, do you think being lighter is easier in certain situations ? But most importantly why do you feel we are so unaccepting of each other as women.

I thank you in advance for your response and keep doing what you are doing it's great.

I think that this is an issue that can have so many layers to it. I agree, we can be so cruel to each other. What really stuck out to me is the way that it still affects you. I think that you can actually use this energy to have a very positive impact on people. :)

I think that as a whole, black women have been oppressed. Scratch that... I know that we have. So, in turn we did what essentially has been does to us. Discriminate. It is so easy to make fun of each other than to actually unite. I know that as dark skinned I can relate to all the hate, but the opposite affect. One of the phrases that really bug me is, "You are so pretty for a dark skinned woman". Really? Like dark skinned women aren't?

I think that the media and the way that we let it guide us has a lot to do with our issues. Look at the way the media portrays women in general.

We could discuss this until we turn blue in the face. There are millions of reasons why. My question to you is how do we make it better. What steps can we go through to make sure that this stops?

XOXO Honey Bii

Shit Lesbians Say (Studs)

This is what happens when I am up at 3am :)

XOXO Honey Bii

Freaks

This is the situation, I'm a straight female however, for a little over 3 years i have been curious about being with other women and i have always been into girl on girl porn and whenever i watch girl on girl porn i tend to get really excited if you know what i mean. in a way that i dont get when just watching a girl and a guy go at it. also i would have actual dreams of which i would be with a woman doing sexual things. also i like to watch a woman's ass when she walks but a lot of time i try not to do cuz i feel like other people notice im watching .

So anyway fast forward i meet this female who is about 7 years older than me from offline who is bisexual and married.
we quickly befriended each other. long story short she was my first girl on girl experience. i lied to her at first about being with women before, i had told her that i had been with at least 3 women before which wasn't true. Anyway this female ended up spending the night at my house and we slept in the same bed and i dont know what it was but something inside of me told me to take the plunge and to just touch her as my curiousity was like a pang in my side.
so anyway i took the initiative and started to touch her but then she flipped it on me and took control. i couldnt believe what i was getting into. That night i couldnt believe myself and i found myself at war with my soul. everything felt so good and my body felt like literally i could melt right there on that bed. but after all was said an done i felt huge guilt and dirtyness after doing what i did almost as if i was disgusted with myself. thinking to myself like how could i allow a another woman to do what she did and that god must really hate me now.
fast forward again we did it again on 5 other different occasions with each time being better than the last. 
i noticed after awhile i started to actually have feelings for her on a deeper level however i dared not to let her know that. i would feel butterflys and basically the same feelings i use to get with men are the same feelings i had for her which scared me but also had me confused.
now my things with men is that i havent been with a guy since 09 which is my daughter's father and yes i do get a lot of men trying to talk to me but i just dont be interested and what mainly turn me off from talking to any guys rights now is that usually that 9 times outta ten no matter how classy i carry myself they seem to have no respect and just only out to use u for sex and just the idea alone just makes me not even think about them like that i just focus on work and school.

back to the situation with this female , its like now ithat i've experienced being with her on those occasions it's like all the time i feel like my body crave a woman's touch like 24/7 its on my mind. and its like i seriously enjoy touching her squeezing her,tasting her. but now i think i am giving her the impression that i want to be more than friends with her ( which would be nice) and now i feel like she is trying to play me. like if u watch my video where im talking about liars im really talking about her in da video.

even when we outside i just feel like a dog in heat and be so ready to just hump her ass or whatever but because we outside i try to contain myself. she gave me my first multiple orgasm back to back i didnt even know what my body was going through when it first happened and NevER in my life have i ever experienced that with a man.

but the problem that i have is that ,i always feel like this and i still find myself trying to hang on to this female even though she likes to lie a lot but i try to hang on because of fear that i may not experience this ever again because nobody knows anything about this but me and her. it just right now at this time my mind is scared that i may be gay and its like i would prefer to have be intimate with a woman than a man anyday.
i never felt anything so passionate and sensual and being with her just feels like my body was being neglected until i met her. i dont know of any better way to explain it.
like what do i do and how do i accept these feelings that i have and how do i meet other females like me without making things look obvious to others?

if ur still there reading then i really do thank u for taking the time and energy to read my really long email

i really do appreciate it.

XOXO Honey Bii 

Love Everyday

If you wake up and that person doesn't make you smile and be the best person that you are supposed to be, think. Life is short. Enjoy every moment. LIVE.