Soft Stud Confusion

Hi,

I'm currently in a lesbian relationship with a women that I adore for over a year and this is my first relationship ever and im 25 y/o. Ive always dated men but never got too serious so when I finally got into this serious relationship sometimes I question if im really gay.  We live together after meeting at school and were roommates and thats were are relationship grew. At first it was just me being very curious and feeling like there had to be more out there sexually that I wasn't receiving from a man so I tried it . Then I felt the emotional bond growing between us and I felt like I couldnt go one day without this girl but now all we do is argue and she doesn't trust me. I've never cheated on her. Everytime I want to go somewhere by myself its a problem, she likes to be up under me all the time. I'm a femme and she a soft stud by I find myself playing the more masculine role ,she even calls me daddy (not just in a sexual manner) but frequently and I find it weird sometimes. She makes me feel like a dude and I'm much so a femme.  Should we switch roles or should I accept my soft stud who dresses in male clothing but loves getting strapped. Another thing is I don't really like penetration. She had told me her friend think I'm straight. I'm so confused.

HI!

Thank you for taking the time to write. I appreciate you. 

Whether you are in a straight or lesbian relationship, it is never good to not feel trusted. It may sound cliche, but if you do not have trust then it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship. You are young, there is no reason not to be happy. 

I want to point out just because someone dresses a certain way (femme or masculine whatever that means to you) that does not determine their sexuality. I think that you are stereotyping her. She should be allowed to dress less form fitting (not masculine because she is not a man and probably doesn't want to be one) and be allowed to experience sex any way that she and her partner feels comfortable. It is not weird at all. Heck, some think that two women sleeping together in anyway is weird no matter what. It seems like you just might want a woman who is more aggressive than she is sexually. It would be a mistake to make her feel uncomfortable because she chooses to be this way. If you do not feeling like a "dude" then tell her. It is simple. 

Also, you can be lesbian and not like penetration. I understand it and know many couples who prefer not to penetrate each other. There is such a broad spectrum in this life. Don't get so consumed with labels and stereotypes. Every relationship is different. Embrace them.

 

XOXO Honey Bii

Relationships

Honey Bii,

I'm a 21 year old lesbian that has a problem approaching females. I can easily let a girl know that i think she's attractive but after that i draw a blank. It seems like the older i get, the more shy i become. I dont have many lesbian friends and i really want that to change. I have not seriously dated anyone in a long time and i believe i am ready to start dating again. I'm in the military and i have some training to do so i will be leaving DC (home) in June and will be gone for at least 6 months, but i still want to meet and get to know some new women before I leave. I want to be able to go out to places, whether its a club, restaurant or whatever, see a pretty girl and approach her and potentially ask for her number, but i don't know how. I'm not sure if I'm really shy or if its an issue with confidence. How do you think I should go about addressing the issues that i am having with approaching women? 

Sincerly, 
J

Hello there, 

I hope that all is well. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. 

It does seem to me that you have a case of the gitters. It sounds like you are letting your nerves get the best of you. It is really simple, if you like someone then talk to them. I think that a lot of people misunderstand relationships. You don't always have to have sexual relationships with others in order to be close with them. Friends make the best company. Some of the friends that I have, I couldn't imagine them not being a part of my life. 

The best way to approach someone is to be in the same settings that you like to be in. For example, go to places that interest you. That way you will have a common interest. Then just simply begin conversation. There are social networking sites like MeetUp.com and LivingSocial.com that have interest groups that meet up for people interested in the same things. 

I hope that this helps. 

 

XOXO Honey Bii

Pigeon Island, St. Lucia

Why must I crawl into caves?