Disgusted...me too! I'm a grown ass, competent woman not only without the right to marry my love but also without the choice. I may type a speech…
I've had this conversation with my boo several times. Will I marry her? YES! Should I marry her? MAYBE...I'm conflicted. On one hand, if I love her why shouldn’t I want to marry her? I’m not into the traditional, white dress, chains and shackle ceremony, but I would like to have some type of observance to proclaim to my love, our loved ones and friends, and the world my commitment to her. I mean I am female and American, so I’ve been socialized to crave the fairy-tale to some degree. I don’t necessarily need this “ceremony” to solidify our commitment, but I think about it sometimes. And if legal marriage affords us over 1,000 benefits, I’ll take it. And some of the benefits include the following...I want to be assured that on my deathbed, the woman who knows me more than anyone else in this world can legally make decisions on my behalf. I want to know that if I ever get a decent paying job with health insurance, that the insurance can be extended to her as well. Shit, I don’t want to file taxes as single/independent anymore. I need tax breaks too. I need a spouse (lol). I’m ready for those gay and lesbian individuals who want to swap the term “partner” for “wife” or “husband” to be able to do so with some legal authority so they don’t have to fear social backlash. If I’m in the workplace and say “my wife” to a potential employer or my co-workers, I want them to know that I mean it and that I’ve got the papers to prove it.
Now, on the other hand, I'm sick and tired of the table scraps mentality that "minorities" (as they call us) hold in this country. We're always willing to take what we can as they give it to us no matter its condition. As an African American and lesbian woman, I'll be damned if I beg or wait for the powers that be to tell me that I'm worthy of a legal sanction. (And civil unions are a slap in the face). I know that many people tie love to marriage, but marriage is a legal/state contract. Marriage involves a choice. As an adult woman in a long-term, stable, loving and committed relationship, I should have the choice to marry my partner. And as a legally aged, taxpaying citizen with no criminal record I should have the right. I don’t know the details with Hutchison marrying this 16-year old, but my god…the legal sanctions were in place to do so and it was POSSIBLE.
With that said, I feel that if I traveled to the D.C., the northeast, or Canada to legally marry my partner, I’d be giving in. I’d accept the table scraps of only five states and one district that allow same sex marriage. And I don’t intend on moving out of this country or to any of those six areas anytime soon. I think that couples have to take a stance—just as people have done with any other social, civil or human rights issue in this country. So (a), you can accept the rights/recognition little by little with a civil union or by seeking marriage in five of 50 states or the District of Columbus. Or (b), you take a stance against discrimination and wait until same sex marriage is legally recognized at the federal level.
Disgusted...me too! I'm a grown ass, competent woman not only without the right to marry my love but also without the choice. I may type a speech…
ReplyDeleteI've had this conversation with my boo several times. Will I marry her? YES! Should I marry her? MAYBE...I'm conflicted. On one hand, if I love her why shouldn’t I want to marry her? I’m not into the traditional, white dress, chains and shackle ceremony, but I would like to have some type of observance to proclaim to my love, our loved ones and friends, and the world my commitment to her. I mean I am female and American, so I’ve been socialized to crave the fairy-tale to some degree. I don’t necessarily need this “ceremony” to solidify our commitment, but I think about it sometimes. And if legal marriage affords us over 1,000 benefits, I’ll take it. And some of the benefits include the following...I want to be assured that on my deathbed, the woman who knows me more than anyone else in this world can legally make decisions on my behalf. I want to know that if I ever get a decent paying job with health insurance, that the insurance can be extended to her as well. Shit, I don’t want to file taxes as single/independent anymore. I need tax breaks too. I need a spouse (lol). I’m ready for those gay and lesbian individuals who want to swap the term “partner” for “wife” or “husband” to be able to do so with some legal authority so they don’t have to fear social backlash. If I’m in the workplace and say “my wife” to a potential employer or my co-workers, I want them to know that I mean it and that I’ve got the papers to prove it.
Now, on the other hand, I'm sick and tired of the table scraps mentality that "minorities" (as they call us) hold in this country. We're always willing to take what we can as they give it to us no matter its condition. As an African American and lesbian woman, I'll be damned if I beg or wait for the powers that be to tell me that I'm worthy of a legal sanction. (And civil unions are a slap in the face). I know that many people tie love to marriage, but marriage is a legal/state contract. Marriage involves a choice. As an adult woman in a long-term, stable, loving and committed relationship, I should have the choice to marry my partner. And as a legally aged, taxpaying citizen with no criminal record I should have the right. I don’t know the details with Hutchison marrying this 16-year old, but my god…the legal sanctions were in place to do so and it was POSSIBLE.
With that said, I feel that if I traveled to the D.C., the northeast, or Canada to legally marry my partner, I’d be giving in. I’d accept the table scraps of only five states and one district that allow same sex marriage. And I don’t intend on moving out of this country or to any of those six areas anytime soon. I think that couples have to take a stance—just as people have done with any other social, civil or human rights issue in this country. So (a), you can accept the rights/recognition little by little with a civil union or by seeking marriage in five of 50 states or the District of Columbus. Or (b), you take a stance against discrimination and wait until same sex marriage is legally recognized at the federal level.